Last Monday i went to a prayer group, largely attended by young people. Upon arriving i didn’t feel at ease, i felt that i hadn’t much in common with these people, that i was too old to be there and that i had nothing to say to any of them! All day i had debated with myself whether to go or not, and yet very clearly in prayer i felt the Lord telling me to go, to face my fears etc.

So I participated as best i could, smiling when appropriate despite the inner turmoil! At this stage i think i deserve an oscar award for looking fine when i’ve been in agony on the inside! During the prayer meeting one of the pastors prayed for me, I didn’t feel any different, but then again, i should know that prayer isn’t about feelings!

As i came back in the train i picked up that MX (i think that’s what it’s called) newspaper and began reading about all sorts of stuff….i asked myself why i was reading such rubbish, which isn’t exactly uplifting to the soul! Once i had finished it, i had no choice but to confront this bad mood that i was in…what came up surprised me! An anger surged up from within, how could God expect me to be nice to these young people, full of ambition, careers etc. when all of the dreams that i had at that age were totally destroyed. You see, when i was their age i also had the same ambitions, marriage, kids, career….until illness destroyed it all. Part of my felt that they should have to suffer the same thing, it was like their joy and hope brought me in contact with deeper levels of pain, pain of losing it all! How could they possibly understand me, what i have been through, how could they be so insensitive…?

And so I began to cry, to pour my heart out to God, Why me? Why did I get sick? Why did my mother get sick? Why did God not put christians on my path earlier? Why did i lose my girlfriend? Why did i lose my career? Why, why, why?

You see for years I have been able to spend time around sick people, depressed people, people on the verge of suicide and yet it has been so difficult for me to spend time with young people, people that are happy! Most people would find the opposite!! It’s as though joy and happiness have been alien concepts to my relatively young life and that the only people that I have been able to relate to have been the dying!

As I cried yesterday, I felt God lifting off weights, I felt him giving me a new hope, a belief that with him my life will not go wrong again, that i can relax, that i do not always need to be on my guard. I also felt him giving my the grace to be able to be happy for others instead of anger and jealousy building up for these people who “got it easy”, who without knowing it were “rubbing my face in it”!!

I now pray for these young people, i pray that they will put Jesus first in all their decision, but i also realize that i can not stop them from making mistakes, in fact the best school in life is the school of mistakes! I also realize that God has a lot to teach me through them, especially how to laugh, have fun and how to appreciate a lighter side of life!

PS: Please keep me in your prayers!

For those of you who are very rational-minded, bear with me! Once upon at time I was too…in fact I was so rational minded after years of studying statistics and probability that at age 25 I was already worried about not having enough money for my retirement!! Michael you big fool, what about your eternal retirement?!

This article is supposed to be a bit fun! It’s about throwing perfectly good things away! When I left Ireland to go to France all those years ago, I brought everything I had with me…clothes, laptop etc. and I’m going to tell you about how the Lord told me to give it away!

Firstly let’s start with the laptop and let’s just say that before giving my life to Jesus, I wasn’t exactly using it to listen to or view daily devotions! You know what i mean!! And so while on one hand, it was still in perfect working order, the Lord led me to understanding that spiritually it was contaminated! One day while i was in Saint Tropez (south of France), the Holy Spirit convicted me so strongly of getting rid of it, that I walked outside and put it into the nearest bin!! The week afterwards i bought a new one, despite rapidly running out of money.

So why? Well I can’t say that i fully understand, but the Lord has repeated this type of thing in my life hundreds of times and it has brought immense spiritual restoration and freedom! Clothes, books, photos, e-mails, texts, contacts etc. My understanding is that there can be spiritual links to material items, and by still having the items in our possession, it is an open door to the corresponding spiritual link, blocking the Holy Spirit.

Some would argue that to do this is sinful! To throw away something “perfectly good”!! But it begs the question, “what is good”, and if something has negative spiritual attachments, then is it really good?! There are also many examples in the Bible where God instructed his people to destroy cities, leaving nothing, and even one example where God was very angry when they destroyed everything except the “good stuff”!!

Agghhhh!!!!!

So, say a prayer to the Holy Spirit, offer Him your entire life, all your possession and ask Him what items He doesn’t like! Often it is the thing that you are most “attached” to and be wreckless!

Always remember that Jesus loves us and that if he tells us to get rid of something, it is because he wants to bring us to a new level of freedom and joy in the spirit and that he will look after all our material needs. I can personally testify to this, despite having nothing, I have gone without nothing!!

This week I have been reflecting on the Gospel where Jesus appeared to Mary Magdelaine, whom he then sent to tell the apostles…who then did not believe her! Would it be any different today if Jesus were to appear to you or me?!! Who would believe you?!

When Jesus entered my life in quite dramatic form 5 years ago, I was severely demonized. While my spiritual eyes had been opened, they were opened to good and to bad…on the positive side I could see Jesus, Mary, the angels and saints while on the negative I could see Satan, demons and the damned. When it came to “opening doors” to this type of thing I would have got 7/7! Ungodly sexual relationships – check, Anger hatred and unforgiveness….check, check, check, occult invovlement – check, new age involvement – check!!

So let me assure you that I arrived in France very much at the beginning of my healing journey, very much aware of my brokeness and need for spiritual healing and so the Church!

On one particular evening I had an exceptionally strong demonic attack, I will not go into detail but it was petrifying at the time. My uncle who has a good understanding of these type of things told me to go to the local priest and to get him to pray over me! I went to my local Church, explained to the priest and immediately realised that he didn’t believe me! That same day I entered the Church in agony, but I came out worse. I was shocked by the spiritual blindness, insensitivity and disbelief that i experienced. Bent over in agony, I pleaded with the Lord to help me, that same day shortly after 4 O’Clock the Blessed Mother appeared to me and delivered me from that round of attack. Some 6 months later I met the same priest again, the look on his face said it all! Shock – I wasn’t supposed to be alive!!

And so I quickly learned that not only did I have a spiritual illness, but that there were exceptionally few priests or lay-people trained to understand these type of things. Time and time again the same type of phenomenon continued and it got to the point that although living with 3 priests and attending the seminary full time that I could share it with nobody (except one priest). While I could read books and books to confirm and explain what was happening, on a practical level there was little to know help!

As the years went by i met more and more people demonized, often I could just see the demons on them, but the Holy Spirit also thought me how to see certain signs, especially in the eyes, dialation of the pupils, staring etc. The same people had often been labelled with different types of mental illnesses. They were neatly put in boxes and if I suggested that there may be at least some demonic activity, then I was put in another box!!

A mentality seems to have crept into a lot of places in the Church today that demons etc. are very rare and so there is no point in training future priests about them. However, when we look at the life of Jesus we see that a large amount of his time was spent delivering people from demons. Indeed from what the Lord has taught me over the years, it is obvious that nobody is spared demonic attack at some level or another. And yet, while everybody is taught how to eat well in order to maintain good physical health, so few are being taught how to maintain good spiritual health. While clearly it would be erroneous to spend too much time worrying about demons, it is equally erroneous to ignore them. If a medical doctor was to ignore some illnesses because he didn’t want to frightend his patients, he could well be sued for incompetence.

Fortunatley since i have come to Sydney, I am surrounded by more and more people competent in this area, a few in the Catholic Church but the majority in other christian denominations. It is trully amazing to see the power of Jesus to set people free and my heart goes out to the afflicted. I am not for one minute suggesting that priests are deliberately hurting these people, in fact in my own experience, many priests tried to help me in their own way, but help without wisdom isn’t really help and the Gospel without the power of the Holy Spirit is mere story telling!

I really feel that we need to pray more for our Church leaders, priests, pastors, bishops, cardinals, popes etc. Jesus walked the earth casting out demons and healing the sick, not in meetings thinking about thinking!! Let us pray that the spiritual eyes of our Church leaders will be opened, that mighty men and women of God will be raised up, who walk in the power and the annointing of the Holy Spirit, given to us through the death of our Lord.

Let me share with you today the amazing story of Sophia

Upon arriving in India in 2012, one of the jobs that I was given was to help out with the children in one of mother Theresa’s orphanages. Upon arriving I was assigned Sophia! Her story is as follows: Sophia was born with a mental and physical handicap, one day she was found at the side of the road with her mother. Her mother had died and Sophia was in much distress. With an elderly Dad who was not able to look after her she was brought to the orphanage. The sisters told me that upon arriving that she was very sad, that she never smiled and showed little signs of life!

When I met Sophia she was quite the opposite! She was always smiling and her big brown eyes couldn’t but draw me to her. Sophia was not able to walk and my misssion was to teach her! Her legs were very weak and half an hour 2 days per week was not a lot! On top of this was the language barrier, while Sophia was not able to talk, i believe that she was able to understand tamil, a language which i do not speak except for a few words, one being “inga vanga” meaning “come here”.

Before continuing I will share how much that Jesus taught me through Sophia, despite obvious set-backs in life she was constantly in good humour, she was always smiling and seemed so content. Some days as I was throwing a bit of a “self-pity party”, poor me being so far away from my own culture…..I looked upon Sophia and I said to myself, if the Lord gives her the strength to smile then he’ll give me the same strength!!

One day as I was helping Sophia to walk, I placed my hand over her head, suddenly I felt heat coming out of my hand and God telling me to let go! I obeyed and then he told me to step back, about ten steps…to my amazement she was standing on her own! The next words were “inga vanga” and Sophia walked over to me! From that day on she could walk, albeit not perfectly as her feet were still quie badly deformed! I often remember the joy that this gave her and how much we take for granted in our own lives

Although the Lord performed this miralce through me, I believe that he performed many more through her! While physical healing we can see, emotional and spiritual healing remains largely invisible! The days I spent with Sophia, I spent with Jesus, through her I learnt so much about life, about priorities, about what is really important….

I do hope some day to go back to India and to visit this same orphanage, I encourage you to pray for the sisters and also to reflect on the possibiity of doing mission work. So many of children like Sophia will never walk, not because it is impossible, but because they have not enough people to help them to gain sufficient strengh in their legs. So if you have got 2 hand and 2 feet, then you are qualified to help! They don’t ask for you credentials!

Thank you Jesus for Sophia, for her life, for her joy and for the hope that she gives to the world.

Today I’ve decided to write about God’s provion for our needs and how God has provided in my life! Unfortunately in many places and Churches all over the world this concept has been lost and rationalism has set in. Let me share some reflections!

So about 5 years ago I met Jesus, before that I earned quite a large salary for my age! I had a car loan of 30,000 Euro, rent on an apartment of 1200 per month not to mention all the other expenses. In the midst of all this I was suffering very badly from depression and anxiety etc (you know all that bit at this stage).

So Jesus appears to me in a vision and within three weeks instructed me to resign my job, leave the country and go to an unknown town in France…calling me 1) to trusting in him to sort out all my debts and 2) trusting in him for all my daily expenses!

Naively when I arrived in France I shared my calling with people and priests alike! Little did i know that they would think that i was off the planet, somehow they had been reading the same gospel but not the same spirit! While everybody advised me (told me) that I should work to pay off my debts and to sustain my life, Jesus told me that I was already working, his work, invisible work and so called me to trusting in him. This caused much confusion but let me share some instances where the Lord has come through!

1. The bank threatened me with letters to bring me to court regarding the car! While I told them of my previous illness and recovery journey, they were heartless! So eventually the Lord told me to call their bluff!! They reposessed the car sold it for an enormous loss and I’ve never heard from them since…thank you Jesus!!

2. After much prayer, a credit card debt to the tune of about 4000 got wiped out by a different bank!

Now bearing in mind that I spent about 8 hours a day praying and interceding, I was far from idle!

After 6 months in France I was out of money…a friend kindly gave me a coupon that she had for a restaurant, she had set it aside for a homeless person but felt that i was a more worthy cause! Another friend gave me 200euro, the same girl had almost nothing herself…what did the rich give me? Nothing, that’s why they are rich!

And so I came to the point of having nothing, I sat alone in a Church in Paris after mass, feeling the presence of Jesus and telling him that I couldn’t take anymore pain. All of a sudden a young man named Anthony came along and introduced himself, I told him enough about my life to make him interested and tried to limit it so as not to scare him, looking back I’m not sure that it worked! Anyway to cut a long story short, that day i was invited to lunch and within 2 weeks I was working at a very famous catholic retreat centre…Jesus had saved me again at the last minute!

Due to misunderstandings which i will tell you about another day, I was obliged to leave this centre after about 6 weeks and once again arrived in another french city, Lyon with about 50euro. Within 2 weeks Jesus found me an apartment (for free!!) and a part-time job! I stayed here for about 2 months!

Every day I went to mass, in fact twice most days, the Lord put so many things and people on my heart to pray for….and yet I was accused of ‘doing nothing’. But Jesus gave me the force to continue, to be a true disciple…

we search for God in books, we find Him in prayer

In a strange turn of events I was guided back to the south of France, Toulon, where it had all begun. I met with a priest, the superiour of a religious community and after imploring him at the point of tears to help he decided to let me stay for a while! He told me that I would have to get a job and that there was no way i could enter the seminary! Jesus told me otherwise….to cut a long story short, Jesus won!!!

However due to a lack of prayer life the Lord called me out of the seminary, I believe that he simply wanted me to see what i was like (so that i’d never think of going back!!) and so I packed my bags and again with nothing headed off! Jesus was there all the time telling me to trust, the world was there telling me that i was mad!

Jesus led me to some priests, then to another and then BOOM to India! I had 2 weeks to prepare for India! The Lord told me not to worry about vaccinations or the like, he’d protect me and that would be fine! So 2 weeks later i arrived in Chennai with 30 Euro! True to his word I was never sick in India and ate and drank all sorts of foods!!

After 4 months of teaching english to Indian seminarians while working with orphan children in mother Theresa’s community, the Lord once again called me on! He told me to leave and to take a 12 hour bus journey accross India to a reatreat centre, from where he promised to send me to my next destination! To be honest I was more worried about telling the monks where i was staying than i was about going!! Jesus gave me a great peace during that trip, despite having almost no money and having no idea where I would be the week after!

I arrived to my destination feeling intimidated and worried. There was a lot to bear and I had many of “job’s advisors” to fend off! Fortunatley my uncle with whom I have always had regular contact by phone was there for me! As providence would have it, the opportunity opened up to speak to the superiour of the retreat centre! I shared a bit of my journey with him and he spoke to me of coming to Australia! To be honest, Oz was the last place on earth that i would have wanted to go…which is why i knew that it must have been God’s will! Two months later I arrived in Australia with my 12 kilos of baggage (my body weight was not much more at that stage!!).

The Lord surrounded me with angels and gave me an angelic peace during this trip! I initially arrived in Canberra where i spent 6 months with a religious community (Missionaries of God’s Love). As time progressed the Lord made it very clear to me that I was to move on, I felt sorry for the priests who couldn’t seem to get their heads around my lifestyle while I remain grateful for all I have received.

More and more the Lord was calling me to prayer, especially to intercession and to the area of inner healing! An opportunity opened up to do a retreat in Melbourne and as I was preparing to go the Lord told me that I wouldn’t be coming back! I think I almost gave the poor priest a heart attack when I told him….that type of discernement didn’t appear in the books in the seminary…though it’s worth reading the acts of the apostles!!!

Miraculously the Lord provided a lift to Melboure, the money for the retreat and a small amount of pocket money in the space of 24 hours! Over the next few days i was to meet a group called Living Waters (where I am now) and was to be blown away by their ministry and their faith. Initally I had reserves as the group was not catholic, but the Lord has since opened my eyes big time!

And so another miralce ensued and after prayer i was invited up to Sydney by Ron Brookman who has since astounded me by his faith and generosity! I arrived in Sydney with nothing, not even a bank account but the Lord called me to trusting him! Two days laters a mysterious donation came, I was given a mobile phone, clothes…..

Again, what was i doing? Prayer…’nothing’ in the eyes of so many and yet in the Lords eyes there is nothing as important!

I continue to live like this, anonymous envelopes with donations arrive when God chooses, the Gospel is a way of life, the spiritual laws are just as sound and reliable as the physical laws….i have never gone short in 5 years, I have never missed a meal (in fact quite the opposite), I have travelled more and have had had heaps more fun!

This is only a very short summary of some of what the Lord has taught me, however I encourage anybody reading this to dare to step out in faith! Dare to be different, dare to be a fool for Jesus..trust me it’s enormous fun!! I also ask you to pray for me, while I have shared with you the glamorous side, there have also been many very difficult moments where i’ve felt like giving it all up, Lord Jesus, for as long as you give me grace I’ll continue.