Just this last 9 days I prayed the novena of surrender and I know that some of you joined me. As I was praying this morning I felt to write a short blog on the whole concept of surrender!

Ever see that game where there are 2 people and one is asked to fall back into the others arms, trusting that they will catch them! It’s not easy right?! And even when you do fall back, it’s half reluctantly, it’s taking a risk!!

Unfortunately the effect of original sin on us human beings is that it affects our ability to trust in God. Our rational mind can reason all it likes that God is 100% trustworthy, but something deep down inside says ‘be careful’!

Over the years the Lord has asked me for many surrenders. A few months ago for example he asked me to give back to my mother a car that she had leant me. It was very clear and yet there I was living in the countryside where having a car seemed essential.

Anyway, somewhat reluctantly I surrendered the car and for the next 2 weeks I had to rely on the good will of others to get me around. And then a nice miracle happened when I was given an old car and someone offered to pay for the insurance….

Similarly a few years ago. I had lived away from Ireland for 7 years and had only been back once for a week to see my parents.

I had been praying and praying for reconciliation and healing with family and then disaster happened. I got seriously unwell in Australia and had to leave and return to Ireland to live…at the time it was the greatest disaster that could have happened me and yet something told me to just trust blindly even if everything around me seemed to suggest the opposite….’how could God allow this to happen after all I’ve done’, ‘ it’s all rubbish’, ‘I give up’….even suicide seemed like a good idea for a while not to mention all other sort of unholy practices…..

And yet beneath it all in my terrible pain I said ‘No, God is god, there must be a bigger plan, something I don’t see, I choose by faith to trust’. This did not by any means take away the terrible pain, but it got me through it.

A few months later I received a considerable healing and have lived in Ireland for the last 2 years and have had the opportunity to reconnect with family and country.

I can see now how it was a blessing in disguise. Left to my own devises I’m sure I’d have never returned to Ireland, there would always have been a good reason to stay away!

All to say that when we genuinely surrender to God, things at times can get worse, He can wrestle off us things that we don’t want to give Him and things in our lives that we even think are His will. It’s only in the fullness of time that we will understand why…

So if you are battling with God and things seem to be going more wrong than right despite all your prayers, keep on trusting, offer him the pain, tell him that you don’t understand, tell him that you need more faith, moan and groan if you need to, remind Him that you are human and that it is hard to trust Him fully……but finish if you can by saying ‘Jesus I trust in you, give me the grace to take it one day a time’.