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On Eagle's Wings

On Eagle's Wings

Monthly Archives: Oct 2018

The body!

31 Wed Oct 2018

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Helly every’body’!

Today’s short reflection is on the body!

When in Medjugorje I asked the super cool africain priest why the catholic church is so afraid to talk openly about the body! All the theology and books exist but they are not much good in the vatican gathering dust……and from what we hear about what goes on in the vatican, I’m not convinced that they are much read there either!!.

Anyway, the priest had a wonferful and humble response!

Instead of getting on his high horse that the church was perfect he humbly said that the church is not and that over the course of the centuries her understanding of the scriptures has evolved!

He explained that in the middle ages the church only focused on the soul being saved and paid no attention to the body! The body was considered almost evil!

As a result there was no talk of the beauty of the body but rather the evil pangs of the flesh trying to seduce you into hell!!

The body was to be feared and sexuality was feared even more.

As a friend of mine said recently when talking about sexuality in the church

“If you are talking about it then you are thinking about it….and if you are thinking about it then you are doing it….and if you are doing it….”

But this taboo in talking about the body and sexuality has literally paralysed the church!

One need only visit any catholic pilgrimage site all over the world to taste the misery!

If you sing and dance people will look at you funny and if you talk about sexuality many will run from you!

Some go to extremes, I know a lady in Ireland who is often put in the psych ward at lent because she won’t eat. Jesus did not intend this!

I heard of another young man who cut off his penis which was ‘causing him to sin’. He quoted the bible to the psychiatrists before ripping it off again!!

There would be more penises than dog poop on the streets if this was how the bible was to be interpreted!

But the point is the same, the lack of talking openly about the body in a healthy way has led to a terrible repression and shame!

And if we think about it, God took on a body in the person of Jesus and even when he was killed, He resurrected and loves His body so much that He will have it for all eternity!

And so the african priest encouraged me on my mission to come out of the middle ages and to bring the love and freedom of God to every’body’!

Have a great day! Laugh, danse and give thanks to God for the wonderful gift of your body!

Where does it end?

24 Wed Oct 2018

Posted by michael4jesus in Sexuality

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Greetings from Split!

I haven’t been blogging as much recently as my part time job has taken a share of my time!

Yesterday in a debate concerning gay marriage a lady made a comment such as this…

“Homosexuality is not normal….the church has the right not to marry 2 men or 2 women…..why would gays want to get married anyway…..and why in the church…and if we let them get married….where does it end with kids etc.”

So in this blog I will attempt to answer some of these questions!

1. Homosexuality is not normal.

This statement reduces “homosexuals” to just “sexuals”.

I know of many men who are attracted to other men without it being sexual.

Whether gay or straight people’s sex lives can be crazy and we must be careful not to exaggerate the sexual side of gay men while somehow portraying straight people to be virginal angels! The abortion clinics make a lot of money as do female prostitutes and we needn’t attribute their financial success to anything except heterosexual activities!

2. Why would gays want to get married anyway?

Well this is the same as asking a straight couple why they want to get married!

Gay people too are often searching for that “someone special” and often desire the same things as straight people such as fidelity etc!

It is hypocricy to condemn gay people for being promiscious while at the same time forbidding them from committing to eachother in some way!

3. Why marry in a church? They can just live together and be “legally married”.

Just because someone is gay, something they did not choose, does not mean they don’t pray and that God isn’t a part of their lives.

And so some Gay people, like straight people desire God to be a part of their lives and partnerships and that He help and bless them, something excluded from a simple legal agreement.

4. Where does it end…kids etc?

Well of course this is a valid question but we must also ask where heterosexual marriages have ended and sadly the answer is often in divorse and chaos!

There is also a sad irony between gay people wanting kids while many straight people carelessly aborting the unwanted ones….and yes, many catholics!

We must be very careful not to put heterosexual people on a pedestal that they have not earned while simultaneously treating gay people as second class.

And so we must reflect. Why should a gay couple who pray and try to follow God in their lives be denied some sort of blessing from the church while a straight couple with no regard for God or prayer are welcomed and granted their “fairytale church wedding”?

And so readers the lot of it makes me think and ask the question;

Is the real issue gay marriage or is there a deeper issue…..

marriage and faith and the church being used like a hotel from which God has been asked to vacate?!

May the reader decide!

Gay marriage

17 Wed Oct 2018

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Gay marriage was accepted in Ireland about 3 years ago. It was at the time I had just arrived back from australia shattered from life!

At the time I was so endoctrined by catholic teaching that without hesitating I voted No!

Despite having spent 3 years in a christian healing ministry for gays, I still hadn’t learnt what God was trying to teach me and neither for that matter had they!

God has a plan for gay men that is neither about transforming them into straight men nor is it having them live a life of solitude and depression!

And so a year later I went to Medjugorje and on day 1 I went to confession.

Now as I look back, God had it planned. The priest openly told me that he was gay and we had a great talk about the struggle of it. The next day he invited me for coffee!

The poor man poured out his broken heart. He told me that life as a priest was so terribly lonely and that I should never consider priesthood!

He said I should find a guy and settle and that if I did he’d bless us!

I was appalled! I was still far too ‘catholic…or catho-thick’ to hear God!

I spoke about this incident after to the english-speaking chaplain and neither of us had much time for this heretic priest!!

But the priest wasn’t suggesting that I give up on God, just that I find someone else to do it with!

Now a few years later I see very clearly that he was right. Gay people are not called to solitary confinement, they are called to love like anyone else!

And so I see that the catholic church has a lot to be responsible for and I pray that she is humble enough to open wide her heart to her gay children that she evicted!

God loves us all! Equal rights and respect for LGBT in the Church.

Am I still Catholic?!

11 Thu Oct 2018

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Many times on my journey with Jesus I have asked myself the question.

“Am I still catholic, have I become pro-gay?”

Well the answer is yes!

Yes I am still catholic and yes I am pro gay!

Now some of you are wondering how this is possible!

When I say pro-gay, I mean pro-gay people.

As a catholic I am called to loving everybody and who better to love than the group of people who in my opinion have been the least loved in history by the church.

Once I considered being a priest. I was told that I’d be thrown out if I spoke of my homosexuality.

Is it “catholic” to discriminate against a person based on sexuality if I was living a celibate life like the others?

When I told of my desire to share my story and to tell gay people about God’s love I was not given an ounce of support!

Why is there no catholic reachout to gay people, especially to those who have been damaged by false teachings from the Church?

Sorry is simply not enough. The Church must reach out in love to the thousands who think God hates them because they are gay. The Church must help reunite families who have been torn apart by homosexuality. The Church must help give dignity back to the gay people whom so often she condemned and judged!

The Church must allow gay men to become priests. Of course we all know that there are thousands of gay priests but they will only ever be ordained if they keep shut!

Is it any wonder that some years later many struggle to keep their trousers up!

Homosexual men have equal dignity in God’s eyes as heterosexual men so is it not time for the catholic church to come out of the darkness and to put into practice what she has herself written in the catechism in relation to homosexuality?

Many good priests have left the priesthood because of this reason, many others stay and suffer with depression and many young men who otherwise would have made excellent priests never got the chance!

Personally I still hope to be a priest one day and as Frank Sinatra’s song goes, I’ll sing “I did it my way” at my ordination!!!

So guys, yes I am catholic!

Is the Catholic Church catholic?

Have times changed?

07 Sun Oct 2018

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Last night I was talking to my friend about my childhood and homosexuality!

I grew up in the irish countryside. It was a small village and by a small village I mean maybe 200 people.

The houses were spread out and usually there was a kilometre or two between the houses.

As a child I’d never heard of the word “gay” except of its other meaning which is rarely used, “happy”.

Sometimes after visiting my mum’s dad who lived in quite a well known area of county Clare called Lisdoonvarna, I’d hear my dad say that ‘Miko was gay”!

The word confused me! My grandad certainly wasn’t gay as we know it today! But he was in good form, happy and joyful and so “gay”!

My next exposure to gays was on a TV soap opera where Eoin died of aids!

Even in my secondary school there was nobody openly gay. While many had some body language to suggest that they might be, nobody ever made it official. The bullying would have been too much!

As I did my leaving cert I recall a gay guy in another show, Melrose place. At the time I can’t say that I was attracted to guys but there was certainly a curiousity there!

At 18 I went to college in Dublin. Again in my class of about 40 there were no gays! Now as I look back of course there were but it was very rare for somebody to come out.

The culture of fear and shame was strong and most people at that age are simply not strong enough to face it. Heck I still struggle now!

One could ask the question if things are better nowadays. To be honest I’m not sure!

After 6 months in Split, Crostia where I’ve met gay guys from all over the world I’ve observed a few things…

An awful lot of guys never tell their parents that they are gay. Fear and shame keep them silent.

A lot of guys will never say at work that they are gay. They feel it’ll affect their career prospects.

A lot of guys are married and struggle a lot with their sexuality. They don’t feel totally gay, they don’t know what they are…

And so as I reflect on it all on this rainy day it seems obvious that silence is not the answer to homosexuality.

And so in 2018 while things have clearly changed a lot, it’s clear that there is still a long long way to go!

Gay v Straight

06 Sat Oct 2018

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Hello world!

Thank you all for your prayers. Jesus has found me the ideal job teaching english so if you come to Split and find Croat’s speaking with an irish accent, you’ll know why!

Donations continue to trickle in and at the end of this month we had €10!

Winter is coming and winter clothe’s will be needed so keep us in mind!

Yesterday I was reading a book called “Straight Jacket”. It spoke about how life is so different for a gay child than a straight child!

It made me think of my older brother. I hadn’t seen him for 5 years when I returned to Ireland 3 years ago.

Senan has the intellectual intelligence of Einstein coupled with the emotional intelligence of a disabled gold fish!!

When it was time to leave Senan drove me to the bus station. I was to take a bus to Dublin and a flight to Australia. As you can imagine I was emotional and found it hard to see my parents upset as the car drove off. Would it be another 5 years?

My youngest sister Niamh was in the back seat. She has always been super!

Anyway Senan ceased this moment to talk to me! He had had a week!

So he pretty much attacked me saying that “You haven’t accepted that you are gay”!

Now I’d spoken about being gay on Australian national TV to millions!

To me it was clear that he had no idea what being gay actually meant!

Accepting it is just the beginning. Then you have to deal with all the conflicts it brings. You have to deal with shame from family, gay jokes, fear of being beaten up on the street…..

You have to deal with the church and the misunderstandings and most of all you have to deal with yourself!

The dreams fed into you as a child of having a wife and kids must die and this can be a painful slow death!

Then you must deal with the gay world wherr there are thousands of fellow wounded and rejected soldiers!

Navigating through the world of sex, drugs is not easy at the start and often there is so little help only condemnation.

Of course life for straight people is not a walk in the park either but at least their difficulties are considered normal and met with sympathy and compassion rather than the “serves you right” attitude that gays often get!

It is now 3 years since I’ve heard from Senan!

And so to Senan and the other Senans’ out there I reply:

“I have accepted that I’m gay, have you forgotton that I’m your brother”.

Keep away from them!

05 Fri Oct 2018

Posted by michael4jesus in All Posts, Sexuality

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Soon after accepting that I was gay I had an experience of Jesus. Jesus showed me that He loved me, gay and all!

And so I went to talk to my uncle Thomas. Thomas was a very tall man, he was a model when he was younger and while some say I look a little like him, I have yet to win any beauty pagents!

Thomas never married and growing up we all knew that he was gay. Of course he never said it but some things don’t need to be said.

Thomas was also a very religious man and had told me a few years before of a dream he had where Jesus came to him. Like all gay people, he too had suffered an awful lot in his life and in his generation homosexuality was even more taboo.

Country Ireland is full of old bachelors who “never found the right woman” and who hang out in men’s toilets!

To be honest while some of these men can be dangerous, they are also to be pitied. They could never talk openly about their sexuality and shame drove them underground.

Sadly the Church had a big role to play in this!

And so when I experienced Jesus I went to talk to my uncle Thomas. He understood immediately. He too had had experiences of demons and Jesus had given him a charism in prayer.

Thomas was my rock and loved me and helped me and prayed with me more than any priest in any country.

He had a simple and yet iron faith!

There was only one problem. Thomas would tell me to keep away totally from gay people less I fall into sin!

I would for a while but each time lonliness would lead me back. Straight people can never fully know what it’s like to be gay!

Priests would advise me the same, to keep away from gays!

But keeping away from gays was like keeping away from myself and gave me so much depression and lonliness.

It was like gays were deemed to be dangerous predators and that there was nothing good about them!

Occasionally I used to sneak off to meet gay people and it was so freeing. It was an environment where I wasn’t judged and I must admit that I often had the most interesting conversations in gay bars and even sauna’s.

Yes of course there was a lot of sexual activity too but one is not obliged to participate.

As I got to know these guys I got healed myself. Seeing that there was more to them than their sexuality helped me understand that there was more to me than my sexuality! Seeing God’s love and mercy for them helped me understand His love and mercy for me!

Many times I saw a supernatural blue light of Our Lady as I wandered around these places!

However I lived in terrible fear! Fear of my uncle Thomas asking me where I’d been, fear of priests..

In 11 years travelling never once did I meet a priest with a heart to reach out to the gay community. Even the gay priests preferred to hide behind religious habits than open their hearts to their brothers!

Fear, fear and more fear is at the heart of it all. Fear of gays, fear of sin, fear of the church!

But catholic teaching teaches of 2 types of sins! One is by things you did deemed to be sinful such as masturbating and the other is the the things that you could have done but didn’t!

And so 99% of catholics seem to be so afraid of falling into sin that the same fear blocks them from reaching out to people who need love! Why are they not afraid of the sin of judging gay people and the sin of not loving and helping gay people?!

And so priests and others were so afraid that I’d fall into sin by mingling with the gays that they failed to see that it was in mingling with the gays that I’d get fully healed! Furthermore gay people needed to hear of God’s love for them, something I’m not sure I’ve ever heard mentioned in a Sunday sermon!

What’s more than that I’ve often found far more love and community among the gays than in religious houses where I’ve stayed over the years!

And so nowaday’s I meet gay people every day. They are the most wonderful people who have often had very difficult lives.

If I’m honest I know that I’ve reveived far more healing from them than they have from me!

So today is perhaps a good day for us all to open our hearts even wider to the gay community. Let’s not judge on people’s sexual activities but let’s love and break down the walls of prejudices in our hearts between ‘us and them’

They know what they are doing is wrong…

03 Wed Oct 2018

Posted by michael4jesus in All Posts, Sexuality

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How often in Church circles do I hear this statement in relation to gay people!

It is loaded with accusation, absent of mercy, compassion and any personal experience working with gay people!

The worst culprits are the people who themselves were away from God once upon a time, had some sort of experience of God and converted and now walk around thinking that they are better than everybody else forgettimg that without God’s intervention they could well be worse!

I am convinced that the pride of these people hurts Jesus more than all the other sins put together!

Going back to the title, do gays know what they are doing is wrong!

To say so suggests gays are not only wrong but they are also stupid and rebellious.

To the gay man or woman it feels perfectly natural and right to be with another of the same sex.

It would feel wrong and deceitful to pretend to like the opposite sex when one doesn’t.

Then comes the teaching of the church which by the way not everybody grew up with as the whole world isn’t catholic!

The church teaches against homosexual acts and not against loving someone of the same sex!

And so the average gay person growing up is utterly confused and often do not know who or what to listen to!

In their confusion they may talk to a priest. Talk to 10 different priests they’ll get 10 different answers!

So then they may try a quack! Same story, a hundred different theories!

And then one day they walk into a church upset and confused and they meet Sheila, Rosie and Thomas!

They have the misfortune to share their struggle and confusion and instead of being loved and listened to with compassion and understanding, they are accused, condemned, judged and expulsed!

Suicice among gay people is very high. Often because they have been pushed to it be self-righteous holy-joe’s instead of being adequately helped!

And so the real question is not whether or not gays know what they are doing but rather if those who judge them know what they are saying!

Cuddles

02 Tue Oct 2018

Posted by michael4jesus in All Posts, Sexuality

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If you are gay then you will know what I mean by cuddles. If not you are about to learn and it may give u a better insight into the heart of gay people!

So what is “cuddles”?

Cuddles are exactly what the name suggests! Two people cuddling eachother!

Straight people do it too so it’s not exclusive to the gay world!

I first came accross cuddles when I accepted I was gay at about 25.

I grew up in a family without much affection and certainly not male affection. Touch from my dad was limited to him smacking me, ironically or prophetically often on the backside or ass for those of you unfamiliar with english!

So when I started meeting guys and going on some dates I was very surprised that some guys were not looking for sex, they were simply looking for a cuddle!

If i am honest I thought that this was pathetic. “Real” men didn’t behave like this, what a bunch of sissies!

Of course my image of men was largely limited to what I saw as a child. It went like this.

Say “fuck” as much as possible in every sentence! Real men do this. It’s a sign of being hard.

Never pass a comment on colours or what you like or not. Real men are not sensitive. Sensitivity is for girls and gays and we all knew that gays were filth.

Make as many comments as possible on girls boobs. Stare and drewl. The more of a man you are the more women you’ll screw.

Never express emotions, never cry and never say “I love you”.

So….as you can imagine a guy asking me for a cuddle did not fit in at all to this template!!

However over the years as I got more and more healing my heart softened and so often I craved a hug.

Priests and religious seemed to have come from the same school of masculinity as me and I’d have had a better chance of getting a hug from my dad as from them!

Eventually I met some charismatic priests and people and they were not affraid to hug. My stony heart began to melt and often I’d cry spontaneously as love entered where it was previously banned!

And so going back to cuddles! Us gay guys are real sensitive. Touch is a big thing for us as is giving and receiving affection!

Alex was the first gay guy I cuddled with. He too was catholic and all we did was cuddle. When I told my pentecostal friends and catholic mentor they told me that I was deceived by Satan. They cost me a major breakdown and yet maybe it was a major breakthrough!

Away from them and back in Ireland God showed me that guys can love guys without having sex with guys and that my need for male affection was normal!

He showed me that His plan for gay people was not that they should live alone starved of affection and intimacy but rather that they could live together and that their love would purify.

He showed me His crazy love for me and for gays and His sadness at how closed and cold so many church people are to us gays!

And so Jesus has taught me the art of hugging and cuddling and in expressing love in other ways besides lust.

Of course to some people this is “gay without the sex” because some people are hell bent on making gays straight.

But for anyone out there who is gay or who has a gay child, you may indeed understand this and know that God desires gays to live fulfilled lives too and to have some of the “life in abundance” promised in the scriptures!

So, if you meet a gay person today. Smile, give them a warm hug and tell them that God has a plan for them too!

Bless you all and if anybody is feeling generous some financial help would be much appreciated.

Mike

Gay is ok but..

01 Mon Oct 2018

Posted by michael4jesus in All Posts, Sexuality

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“It’s ok to be gay but you can’t practise is what a lot of christians will tell you”

To a gay guy this is like telling him that it is ok to get hungry but you’ll go to hell if you eat!

So many christians do not understand what it is like to be in a gay man’s head. From the security of their heterosexuality they often cast stones that condemn us gay guys before we even open our mouths!

At a talk I gave a while back I was crucified by a group of catholics for saying that I was happy being gay and that I didn’t want to become straight!

They began to quote the bible at me, a book that is more quoted than it is lived!

“A man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his spouse ..”

In other words a man will get married.

The problem is that some people read “a man” as “every man” and seem to think that only heterosexual people are on the way to heaven!

Then to make some space for the gays they say “it’s ok but you can’t practise”.

Now this sounds reasonable at the start until you live it. The majority of gay single catholic men I know are homophobic bigots.

I know because I was one. We were trained into judging and hating gays as if we were not gay and that we were somehow superiour!

“Ex gays” are often very intolerant mainly because they are emotionally frustrated and they often hide behind religion to soothe their lonliness.

However God made us for intimacy and for love and one of the biggest tricks of “modern” society has been to label everything as gay!

A boy that is gentle….is gay..

A boy who is sensitive is…gay…

If a man hugs a man…he is gay…

If a man tells another man that he loves him…he is gay…

Based on this twisted way of thinking, any expression of love from a man to another man is gay!

So, is love gay? Was Jesus gay?!

Is it any wonder the gay community is so sexual when they have been pretty much denied any other type of love.

Gay guys are sensitive guys. We need a lot of love and affection and yet often all we get is abuse and insults.

So what then is the answer for gay people?

Well from my own experience over the years the more I have prayed the more my attraction to men increased!

I did not get healed and made straight but I was given the grace to accept and embrace my love for men!

Ironically as I did this my feelings and love became more and more spiritual and my attraction to guys became more and more pure.

Of course some people would still call this gay because some cannot accept the fact that some guys like me are not and never will be attracted to women!

This type of attitude caused my a major breakdown 3 years ago all but costing me my life. My fundamentalist pentecostal friends could not accept or understand what God was doing in my soul and I did not have enough confidence or trust in myself at the time.

So you see, I have learnt the hard way and it has taken many years to break free from the rigid intolerant attitudes of traditional catholicism and to fully embrace and accept myself as a gay man who loves Jesus and who is loved by Jesus.

The gay community need God, we need an understanding, loving God who has a realistic plan for our lives taking our sexuality into account.

We need to be accepted and loved by the Church and helped to grow both humanly and spiritually.

And so today I say to myself and all; I am gay, I am happy, I am me and yes, God made me this way!

Have a gay day!!

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