Another week is all but over and life goes on so to speak. Some countries are talking about slowly reopening while others remain closed.
Another milestone we have passed is that we have gone from April into May and May is of course a special month for Our Lady our mother.
To mark this Our Lady gave me a little gift of receiving Holy Communion twice yesterday!! I could tell you all how and where but then I’d have to kill you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
In some ways this sneaking about and going down little corridors and stairs is very exciting. It has the feeling of doing something very dangerous and wrong and yet it’s perfectly holy and right!!
Another thing it reminds me of is of sneaking into a gay bar when you are petrified of being found out while once again you are doing nothing wrong.
How conflicting it can be when the laws of man (church or state) contradict the laws of God written on our hearts and when we are treated as evil for doing what is holy and correct.
The Tyburn martyrs who refused to obey the laws of their times paid the price with their lives and while we are quick to talk about them and place memorial plaques in their honour, we are often less quick to be like them if that means getting into trouble.
How often do we compromise to keep the peace when in fact we can have no peace. The true peace that Jesus wishes us to have is peace of mind and of heart and when we have that we can be in peace even if the whole world hates us.
We find this peace by being true to ourselves and to God in our hearts and in our lives. Inevitably some will not agree with us or our decisions but that’s ok, not everyone can or will understand and that’s ok. We should pray for them and continue our journeys.
I know that in my own case that many people despise me. Some of them tell me while others express it loudly in silence.
They cannot accept that being gay is ok, that it’s normal and that gay people can become saints too without turning into straight people.
At times the insults do hurt as does being excluded, ignored, criticised and judged and yet it’s an ongoing call for me to forgive and to join Jesus in saying “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do”.
It’s also a privileged way of getting to know Jesus better. Jesus too was judged all His life and was never accepted by the powers that be of His time. Unjust rejection and discrimination are wonderful tools to pierce through our intellectual understanding of God and to reach His heart.
This type of bullying and suffering also purifies our motives and intentions. For example, considering the amount of suffering being gay has caused me, what on earth would motivate me to continue this ministry if not the firm conviction that God is leading me and that despite all the misunderstandings and rejection from some very pious and good church people that I am right.
And so as I walked around London yesterday with my good friend Paddy who too knows what it’s like to be different and to be judged (in his case for a murder while he was mentally unwell) I give thanks to Jesus for the gift of being gay!
There is no more need for me or others to be ashamed for the very thing that caused me the most shame and the most pain has brought me even more close to Jesus.
If I was straight and had a healing ministry I’m sure I’d be widely accepted but would I know Jesus? How easy it would be to have man’s approval and indeed the church’s and yet to be so very far away from the heart of God for the broken, the rejected and the misunderstood.
How easy it might even be to write books about the broken and to recite a pious rosary for them but what a different thing entirely to be broken and to be rejected with them.
This is what Jesus did by coming down from heaven and becoming a man. He didn’t just love us from a heavenly distance but rather He loved us at a human proximity and He still does every time we receive Him in the Eucharistic where our bodies touch His body and He becomes one with us.
And so as I give thanks to God for this week and consecrate this month to Mary in a very special way I give thanks to God also for my life and all the things that have made it particularly painful.
I invite you to do the same because it’s behind those pains however terrible and unjust that we find heaven and the wonderful and mystical love of Jesus that cries.
So may all our trials be turned to blessings, all our enemies turned to teachers and all our sufferings turned to love for God and for others.
Only in heaven will we all get along!
Have a peaceful evening and let go of everything that is troubling you and rest in His peace.
Blessings in this month of Mary.