Good evening from London!
Today was one of those days that it seemed life placed a gigantic mirror in front of me and what seemed to be staring back at me was a spiritual weirdo, an utter misfit, a freak….yes…me.
Everywhere I turned people seemed to be talking about the future and planning ahead. From things like settling down and buying a house to going on holidays, plans were all around me and my life didn’t seem to fit any of them.
The even more ironic if not painful side that this weirdo is no stranger to planning. Future planning used to be my profession and I was good at it. It’s what actuaries do.
And so when people talk to me about their plans for the future I feel profoundly uncomfortable for one main reason…for almost 15 years Jesus has asked me not to plan ahead and to live in the day.
To ‘normal people’ this is utter insanity and I guess to many I am insane and yet here I am.
Yet I’m perfectly sane and to me these planners are the crazy ones!
‘Man proposes, God disposes’ my Irish friend Paul used to say. Six months later he developed cancer in his eye which then had to be removed.
“So be the will of God” he says.
Every single plan that I ever had in my life came crashing down. Every time I planned it went wrong. From my career to family to finances…everything!
And yet there was a reason. My plans and my ideas were not God’s plans and God’s ideas.
God you see isn’t some stupid old fool with a beard that smiles and blesses our good ideas. Full of love and Mercy He helps us to understand that His plans for us are both different and better.
And sadly at times we learn this the hard way through very painful experiences like emotional breakdowns, financial failure, failed marriages and lives.
Where did it all go wrong we might ask God and God would simply reply: at the very start!
Of course at times we don’t know and we do what we think is best but this is why we must be very detached from our ideas because if they are outside His plan, they won’t work.
A priest recently said that Einstein reportedly stated that if he was given a problem to solve that he’d spend 90% of the time asking critical questions about it and then only 10% on the solution.
Do we do the same when we are planning?
Do we spend 90% of the time praying and discerning with the help of others and then just 10% of the time actually planning or do we launch in and start planning immediately with minimum discernment?
The bible says that a house built on the sand will collapse while the one built on the rock will stand.
What does this mean?
It means that plans built on the rock of God’s will and purposes will stand while plans outside of His will, however good and nice will fail.
At times this can seem very unfair. Trust me I have the emotional scars of multiple breakdowns to prove it and yet it’s a spiritual reality.
And so when I hear people around me planning and when I feel like a total failure without money or plans I cast my mind back to the lessons that life has taught me!
- Planning is useless, prayer is essential.
- Money will come for God’s plans at the appointed time.
- God is in no need of hiring an actuary to help Him run things
And so as I go to bed today after crying many tears as I face this daily ridicule I once again look to Jesus and blindly I say “I trust in you”.
I also pray for the people who hurt me and exclude me or treat me like a freak because I’m no better than them and 15 years ago I would have taught the same .
And so there you have it. Pray and bring all your plans to Jesus, seek spiritual direction and discernment from others trusted in this area and build your house on the Rock of God’s Holy will.
Goodnight and god bless.