Good afternoon to you from Kensington where I’m enjoying my first McDonald’s in ages …mmm.

Thankfully after a good moan and cry yesterday I’m feeling much better today and for anyone who prayed for me, thanks!



In a few days both Rayne and I will have been together for a year and this got me reflecting on love and change!

When you love a person should you try to change them?

The answer seems obvious, no, but should you both try to improve yourselves….yes!!

And this is where we sail into muddy waters so let’s take a step back and look at God.

God loves us unconditionally and is constantly trying to change us? Wrong.

God isn’t trying to change us from who we are but He’s trying to transform us from who we are not!!

Suppose there was a cat who thought that it was a dog. Would you be trying to change it by helping it to come to the truth?

Obviously not because if it’s a cat then it’s a cat but if the same cat is convinced that he’s a dog then he won’t see it that way!!

“Stop trying to change me” he’ll shout and “just love me the way I am”.


This is God’s dilemma with many of us. We can be living pretty average lives filled with every sort of dysfunctionality and not realise that we are beloved children of God who have the potential to break free of all our fears and inhibitions and become who we really are!!

‘I’m ok the way I am sir” would be many a reply when God sees that you are anything but ok!

And so you see the root problem of change when it comes to people is identity!!


If my identity is as a child of God who needs freeing from sin then I won’t resist God’s grace transforming me because I won’t see it as changing me. It’ll certainly change my behaviours but it won’t change who I am. In fact it’ll make me who I am.

But if I see myself as average Joe and accept my faults and sins as just being a part of me then I’ll be like that cat! Any attempt God will make to transform me I will resist because I’ll see it as change!

And so then when it comes to relationships I think it’s the same. Rayne hasn’t changed me but meeting Rayne has transformed my life in many ways and allowed me to become more me!!

Similarly I haven’t changed him and yet through meeting me a lot of things about his life have changed!


And of course at times this transformation and growth process causes tensions both in our relationship with God and others because at times we hold onto things that actually hold us back!!

This is where the magic key of patience is needed and for anyone who knows me they’ll know that I’ve never had much of it!!!

Rayne will be a saint in heaven for merely putting up with me!!

Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that each one of us is called by God to transformation and to changing from who we are not (filthy sinners) to who we are (redeemed children of God) and this is where we all need to pray time and time again that wonderful prayer of serenity while asking God for wisdom, patience and love for both ourselves and those we love.

On a final note, when we do come across individuals who refuse all transformation no matter how hard we try, we can only pray for them and hope that they don’t end up in hell for their stubbornness and unwillingness to accept the ways and plans of God for life!!🤣🤣🤣

Have a wonderful day and thank you to Rayne for all the ways that you have made be a freer and truer version of myself!!

Michael