Good afternoon from a very hot London.
Yesterday I had a funny conversation with Rayne about prayer and doubts. I just said how we all experience doubts and Rayne with a childlike innocence looked at me and said
“Do you experience doubts?”
I felt like a parent telling their child that Santa wasn’t real as I said “me? Every single day more than you can ever imagine!”
Some people might think that I’m free of doubts because of all the spiritual experiences that I’ve had and yet this isn’t the case. Don’t ask me how it works but there are some days that it all feels surreal and I wonder if any of it ever happened!
Other days I get harassed by the “how do you know it’s the Holy Spirit?” especially when I hear people talking about me, criticising me, avoiding me and excluding me.
And then there is the intercession gift that I have that causes me to feel and experience other people’s unbelief and doubts as if they were mine!
So ya!! I get doubts all the time and at times very strong and even debilitating!
So what do I do in these situations and when you have doubts what should you do!
I pray. At times it’s a funny prayer like “Jesus, I feel like you don’t exist at all and yet I know and believe in faith that you do, please help me, strengthen me,increase my faith, direct me, guide me….”
He doesn’t always answer it immediately either but when I look back in hindsight on my day or on my week then I see His answers.
And then I said to Rayne. “You don’t need to see Jesus to see Jesus!”
Well it’s true, you don’t need to have an apparition or vision of Jesus to see Jesus. If you are attentive then you will be able to see Jesus working through others and using them to answer your prayers.
A good spiritual exercise can be to keep a diary of your prayer request and then note how Jesus answered them and who He used!
If you do this then over time you’ll get better and better at spotting Jesus and so when you do have doubts you can remind yourself of these times and build up your faith again.
Of course receiving Holy Communion and sharing your faith are also wonderful remedies against doubt.
Many times I was riddled with doubts and then I met someone who asked me about my life and as I shared the doubts vanished!
That is why there is such great power on testimony for both yourself and for others and it’s one of the reasons too why I do this blog!!
Doubting in the spiritual realm is like muscular pain in the physical realm!! It’s a sign that your faith is being stretched and your “faith muscles” being expanded.
It doesn’t feel nice but the results are worth it!
Of course doubts also provide us with opportunities to be humble and vulnerable and to let others pray for us and encourage us and vice versa. We are to build each other up with love and encouragement knowing that one day it could be us needing help and a week later we might be the ones helping!
It seems to me that Jesus allows us to have a certain amount of doubts to keep us humble so we shouldn’t try to have the perfect dounbt-free faith but rather to love and believe in Jesus to the best of our ability and to trust in His mercy for the rest!
So in short, don’t worry about having doubts! Keep praying, keep moving forward and bit by bit they will go and your faith will grow more beautiful, more strong and more pure.
Pray for me as I will for you,